Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
