And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
