I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
