Need sex. Gaining weight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
