If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
