I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
