sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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