I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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