He is an equal opportunity slut.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
