Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
