Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize