I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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