I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize