Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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