I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
