wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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