Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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