I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
