i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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