Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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