the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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