Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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