We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
