And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
