My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize