Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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