Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
