I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
