so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
