What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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