So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
