What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The ass gains better be worth it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
