I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
