i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
