Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
