...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
