six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
