remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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