I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize