I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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