There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
