My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
