i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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