Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
