i'm lost and i look like a hooker
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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