dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
