my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
