I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
