just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
