honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
