I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
