So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
