It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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