i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
