just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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