its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
