Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
