Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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