You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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