Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
