Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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