Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
