Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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