My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize