so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
