I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
