Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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