I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize