i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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