Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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